When I asked Ross which Disney princess he thought I should be as I considered the possibility of applying to be a performer at Disney sometime in my young adult future, he said, “Elsa. Because you don’t need a man at your side.” This is also the same guy who thinks this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXWBuoYc8SI) is “a beautiful and somewhat accurate representation” of me. Both are, of course, compliments to my extremely independent nature. However, this is one of the pitfalls of being “one of the guys.”
As a budding young mezzo-soprano, I have come to know the phrase “witches, bitches, and britches,” tossed around in reference to the type of roles that ladies with my type of voice most commonly receive. I always understood “britches” to mean pants roles like Cherubino in Le nozze di Figaro. Of course, that’s what people mean when they use the phrase, but I’d like to consider another meaning for the “britches” part of the mezzo trifecta: “tomboy.”
Yes, I am a sort of tomboy, which comes as little to no surprise to those of you who have been around EurOK long enough to read about my “butch” qualities, and don’t get me wrong, being a tomboy has it’s perks. You always have a band of brothers looking out for you. You can wear comfy clothes all the time and not have to worry about how you look. You’re allowed to be competitive and talk loud and eat that burger and fries without feeling self-conscious. Which is all great.
Until you want to get a boyfriend.
Now, I know I’m an intimidating person. Which may or may not have anything to do with my less than girly personality. It probably has more to do with my confident, outgoing, take-no-prisoner type attitude. But I find that this personality type is also common among tomboys, and so, you have three main issues with getting a boyfriend when you’re a tomboy:
- As I previously mentioned, you may be intimidating. While I’ve heard that many men find super confident girls extremely sexy, they also find them terrifying to approach. Which isn’t exactly unreasonable: guys are just as afraid of rejection as girls are! And logic says that super confident, independent women are going to be much harder to “catch” than less confident, needy ones. While this is initially a downer because it means you probably don’t get asked out a lot, in the end, you’ll know a few things about the men who finally approach you: they’re confident and secure in themselves and they’re interested enough in getting to know you that they put their pride on the shelf to risk rejection in order to ask you out.
- The guys you hang out with tend to forget that you’re actually a girl. Most if not all of them see you like a sister while still maintaining your status as “one of the guys.” This can make it really difficult if you ever fall for one of them because they’re not used to seeing you as a girl, and therefore, as date-able material. I guess you could consider this a very specific kind of friendzone.
- Other guys who are not part of your crew don’t know what to make of you. There may be a guy (or two, or more) out there who thinks you’re totally rad, but he can’t tell where he fits in with all of the other men in your life. While it’s clear to you that each of your guys are just pals, it may not be to an outsider. And chances are, he doesn’t want to mess with you for two reasons: he’s either afraid of stepping on someone else’s toes or he knows that if he’s not careful with you, he’ll have your whole crew to answer to.
I also stumbled across this super interesting article that raises some great points about masculinity and femininity in relation to “being one of the guys,” addressing the way in which we play up the importance of being a man and downplay that of being a woman. Here is the link to the article for anyone interested: http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/stop-telling-girl-one-of-guys/809274/.
I think tomboys are great and that being a tomboy is great, and I would never tell a girl to stop being one if that’s who she really is. Eventually some guy is going to wake up and smell the coffee and see the beautiful woman that’s been sitting beside him, even if she has been wearing camo and playing video games. Because girls are still girls even if they like “masculine” things. Or, some guy is going to get the cahones to ask you out despite the fact that every one of your “brothers” could crush him if he ever hurt you. But he won’t because he knows just how beautiful and special you are.
Because, boys, she’s not “just one of the guys.” She’s a beautiful young woman who could just possibly be the best thing that ever happened to you if you’d only see the woman she is.