Fear of Falling

At my liberal arts college, there are plenty of classes that we’re required to take if we ever want to walk across that stage with a diploma in hand.  As much as it’s a hassle sometimes (I mean, come on, who really wants to take two semesters of P.E. in college?), it equips us with a variety of skills that will make us versatile people out in the career field.  But praise for a liberal arts education is an entirely different article…

Anyway, I’m taking a rock climbing class to fulfill one of said requirements (one more hurrah for a liberal arts education: at least I got to choose classes that interest me within the requirements that they’ve outlined).  I’m super excited about it, but I’m also relatively terrified- I’m afraid of heights.

Correction: I’m afraid of falling.

And not only am I afraid of falling off of things (e.g. the rock wall in my P.E. class); I’m afraid of falling in love.

I love love.  I love the idea of love.  I want to find someone to share that connection with, but when it comes to actually falling in love, I’m terrified.  I’m terrified of surrendering my control over to another person- trusting- only to be hurt.

My roommate says that everyone feels this way, and to an extent, I agree with her.  But is everyone else so terrified that they will prevent themselves from falling in love in the first place to avoid the potential hurt that they could feel?  Maybe, maybe not.

And update in the “Ross and Rachel saga”: I kept repeating to my roommates “I just don’t want to lose Ross.”  At the time I thought that just meant in general.  But then I realized that I’m terrified of repeating what happened with my ex with Ross, which would end in losing with him.  And the only way I know how to do that is to be sure that we stay friends and only friends.

But the reality is that just because there’s a height doesn’t mean there’s a fall.  And sometimes when there is a fall, someone is there to catch you.

-Enjouée

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