Forget You

There are always plenty of books and movies and Hallmark channel originals about falling in love and even those about unrequited love, but where are the stories about falling out of love?  I mean, people do it, right?  I mean, they have to- with each generation’s list of significant others getting longer and longer before they tie the knot… falling out of love is the trend.

And yet no one ever talks about it.  We’re too busy being in love, looking for love, or lamenting the fact that we have no one to love to pay attention to those who are currently out on the battlefield fighting hand-to-hand combat with love.  Those who have been scorned by love and still feel its keen sting.

Those of us in the trenches are stuck feeling alone while we so desperately try to stop pining over that no good jerk-face we’re trying to steal our hearts back from.  Our best friends roll their eyes at us, wishing we’d just get over it already! instead of validating our feelings and offering the support we need to move on.  Read: Kate Winslet’s character Iris in The Holiday.

What sucks more than loving someone who will never love you back or loving someone who once loved you but doesn’t anymore is not being able to fall out of love with them.  Because you don’t hate them for it- you hate yourself for it.  You hate yourself for not being able to talk your heart down.  You hate yourself for not being able to find a flaw in him to be annoyed with and allow that annoyance to fester until one day, it’s so annoying that you can no longer love him altogether.  You hate yourself for not being able to stop it from taking over your life as it suffocates you.

I recently became disenchanted with a guy I’d fallen for (see “Somebody That I Used to Know”) because he’d changed, and I didn’t like what he was changing into.  I’d already fallen out of love with him, really, but there was one final straw that broke the camel’s back.  When he joined a conversation among myself and two of our mutual friends and completely ignored my presence.  That was it.  I was done.  He was a jerk, and I didn’t want him anyway.  I wasn’t losing out on anything because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who treats people like that anyway.

And that’s essentially what happens to Iris too.  She realizes that Jasper is a huge jerk, and that he’s not even worth being in love with anyway.  And I really think that this is the biggest trap for us ladies.  I mean, we all know that falling for a “bad boy” is a thing, and we all end up getting hurt, and we all end up wondering what we could’ve done differently to make him stay and why the heck we fell for such a jerk in the first place.  It’s a trap.  And yet we do it over and over again, and he’s always so charismatic that we can’t seem to fall out of love.

Our best hope is that something happens, as it did for Iris and me, to make us realize what a jerk he is and that we shouldn’t waste our time or our love on him because he isn’t worth it.  The best way to fall out of love is to see that.  To take off the rose-colored glasses and say, “Enough is enough.  I’m not dealing with your crap anymore.  There’s someone out there who is actually going to love me.  Forget you!”

But honestly, Ladies, falling out of love just takes time.  Time is really the only thing that can make us see.  Only time can heal.  And unfortunately, falling out of love taking longer than falling in love does.

But, we’re here for you, Ladies.  You’re not alone.  And once you fall out of love, you’ll be stronger for it.  Lots of love and support from your fellow sisters,

-Enjouée

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