Hey, Jude

To the only boy I regret:

Hey, Jude,

I don’t believe in regrets.  Everything that happens to you- for better or for worse- makes you into the person you are today.  And having regrets is like saying that you wish you were somebody else.  And I don’t; I’m happy with who I am today, so why would I want to change something about my past?  Changing just one tiny little moment could make me a completely different person.  I guess that if I didn’t like who I am, regrets would make sense and I might look at them differently, but I like myself, so there’s that.

But, Jude, you’re my one regret.

I regret not standing up.  Not saying anything when I had the chance.

For four years I sat there and listened to them tease you.  Sometimes more mercilessly than others.  And even though I thought about it numerous times, I never said anything.  And for that, I’m deeply sorry.

I’m sorry that I didn’t have the courage to say something when no one else would.  To point out to people that sure, maybe you can be grouchy and say some not-so-nice things at times, but did they ever think that maybe it’s because they’re always picking on you?

And I’m sorry that I was afraid of what they would do or say to me if I helped you.  That I not only denied you three times, but more than three times.

And I’m really sorry that I not only let them get away with it, but I let them get away with it in front of our teacher.  Because I was afraid of how she would react too.  Would she think I was a super freak if I helped you?  Would she side with the other kids and say that I was out of line for saying something?

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” -Matthew 25:40

Jesus, I’m sorry that I failed you.  You were in need of a friend, and I turned a blind eye.  And for that, I will always be regretful.

-Enjouée

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