When you get married, there’s this understanding that you’re going to change. Your spouse is going to change. Things are going to change. But you and your spouse are in it together for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.
Now, I’m not married, and if that’s what God has in store for me, it’s going to be a little bit of time between now and then. But he’s changed- and by he, I mean the guy I’ve been telling you about- the one that I have a crush on.
I’d like to say that all things considered, I’m not really change-resistant. But I don’t like the way that he’s changing. He’s becoming closed off. Eyes that used to smile and say “hello” are hibernating. Or at least I hope they’re hibernating and not something worse… dead.
I’ve done the whole dual-personality thing before (you all remember 24601?). I guess that’s why this bothers me so much… it’s a huge turn-off. I thought I’d found a guy who wasn’t 24601, a guy who wouldn’t become 24601. It was so refreshing until… he changed. Unexpectedly.
Unfortunately, this isn’t my first rodeo. I put up with it with 24601, and that was one time too many. I’m not doing this again. No matter how much I want to walk up to him, give him a shove against the chest, angrily shout, “You changed! You’re such a great guy, and I still see that in you, but right now… it’s gone! It’s in there somewhere, and I’d like to think that I’m the one who could draw it back out of you, but who am I kidding,” and storm off in a huff… we all know that this isn’t a Hallmark movie.
It hit me the other night when we were walking back to the dorms together in the snow. It was one of those snows that was really romantic. Except when we’d finished talking and said good-bye, I realized that I hadn’t felt anything. Nothing at all. Those butterflies that would’ve been there- the ones that inevitably happen when you’re walking with the guy you like, no matter what the conversation is about- didn’t even make a semblance of an appearance. And that was big for me; wow, it’s really over because a few weeks ago, I would’ve been walking on air after a snowy walk with him.
It’s kind of sad when people change like that. It’s a little like losing a friend. You miss the person that they used to be, the person they used to be to you.
But isn’t that almost worse? Who can say. For me, whether it’s a changed him or the real him, I like the guy that I asked to sit next to on the day of registration, just hoping for a smiling face and some friendly words, so much better.
#74: Maybe I didn’t really know you, or maybe I gave you too much credit or benefit of the doubt, but I liked the old you so much better. The old you was someone that I would’ve loved to have been friends with, or maybe even date. I thought you were the guy who was real, genuine, sincere… not the type to wear a mask. I still hope that it is a mask. But I’m not going to lie: my hope and faith are dwindling. I wish you all the best.
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.