Whenever I get into a conversation about guys with my friends, invariably the conversation turns to our ideals for guys. And just as invariably, when it’s my turn to voice my ideal guy, someone argues with me about it. They tell me I’ve set my standards too high. To wait until marriage to have sex is unthinkable for most of them. To wait until you’re out of high school, sure, or even until you’re engaged. But marriage? What guy is going to wait that long? Other people are fine with not having sex, but there are other things you can do. Other things I still wouldn’t do. And that’s what gets me. These people are telling me I shouldn’t expect things out of guys, but guys are allowed to expect things from me? I can’t expect them to wait but they can expect me to do these things?
I may have high standards, but at least I don’t have double standards.
I’ll tell you something else. I’m not being unrealistic when I expect this from guys. I have guy friends who expect this from themselves. And they are some of the most rewarding friendships I have. We have great talks, we’re on the same page. And these types of guys give the best compliments. Last night I was texting one of them and he told me I have a “refreshingly original mind.” I have to say, it felt even better than being called cute, which is an adorable compliment. And it certainly felt better than getting a compliment on my butt, or my shape, which I have gotten.
I will never understand the double standards of the dating scene. Everywhere else in life it’s good to set goals. If you tell someone your dream job but add, “I don’t know if I can do it. It might be really hard,” everyone will tell you to go for it. They’ll tell you to believe in yourself and stay strong and they’ll congratulate you on your goals. But somehow, knowing what you want when it comes to relationships is a bad thing. It’s closing yourself off from what might come your way. It’s unrealistic. More often than not, you’re criticized for your ideals, not encouraged. This isn’t fair. It’s really not. And I struggle to understand the concept. Saying you want a certain career doesn’t mean you’re closing yourself off to options. To say you want a career in the medical field doesn’t mean you’ll accept a position at one and only one hospital. It just means you wouldn’t accept a job at a publishing company. To say you want a good guy doesn’t mean you’ll date one and only one guy. It just means you won’t date a horny creep.
I don’t think I’m narrow minded for having standards. I definitely don’t think they’re stupid. I don’t agree with all my friends who have told me I’m never going to find the guy I’m looking for. I do agree when they say I’ll be surprised. I probably won’t see it coming when I fall in love with my future husband. Spontaneity doesn’t disappear with standards. In fact, I think it disappears more with their expectations, because you know what’s coming. You know what you’re going to do with that person.Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want. To quote from Jane Austen, “Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion.” Stay strong in your standards.