Alright, girls. Spill it. What is it about Bad Boys that we find so irresistibly attractive? We always seem to find ourselves in the same boat. The fix-‘er-upper with the killer smile, hint of danger, and mean wild side. And then we run crying to our besties who are waiting with two spoons and a pint of good ol’ Ben and Jerry’s when he leaves our hearts out to dry by being the chauvinistic, disloyal, womanizing pig he is. Somehow we never see it coming.
And yet we always push those Nice Guys who would bend over backwards for us, who let us be with those Bad Boys because it’s what we want even though Bad Boy can never and will never love us the way Nice Guy does, into the Dreaded Friend Zone even though we’d rather end up married with kids with Nice Guy anyway.
What are we thinking?
Like high school girls. We can’t see the whole “married with kids” thing because we’re too busy thinking with our lady parts. Bad Boys are fun and exciting- and really hot! They feed our sense of adventure. And they play a good game.
Women love projects. Love them. We can’t resist when we get the hots for a Bad Boy and can find one little habit to valiantly break him of. We want to be that girl. The one who made him into the perfect Bad Boy.
But, see, that’s really where we’ve got it all wrong. Sure, people do change for the better when they’re in good relationships, but you shouldn’t go into a relationship with the mindset that “you will be the one to tame the wild beast.” We girls are always complaining about how guys can never stop thinking with their you-know-what and how we can never find a guy who truly loves us for who we are. Yet we’re not loving them for who they are either.
Real relationships have flaws. Real people have flaws.
And the secret to change- genuine change- is that it has to come from the heart. The reason we are never successful is because Bad Boy isn’t ready to change, and we can’t make him. If he changes temporarily for you but really isn’t ready, he’ll just resent you for trying to change him. Boys want someone to love them for who they are, in their entirety, just like girls do.
People aren’t projects. They’re people. So stop looking at them as something that needs to be “fixed” or modeled into “perfection.”
Besides, aren’t we just trying to make them into Nice Guys anyway? Why don’t we just skip the extra step and go for one of them instead?