He is just a friend…

Just a Friend of Mine

To start with, I really cannot stand that phrase. “He is justa friend…” that makes it sound like being a friend is less than being more-than-a-friend. But whatever. That’s hardly the point of this post. Today, I’m going to rant on a topic parents and their teens have been arguing about for centuries (or maybe not, maybe it’s just my family…)

CAN BOYS AND GIRLS BE FRIENDS? The Little Friend (novel)

Yes vs. No
YES-
Let’s start with this question, why CAN’T girls and boys be friends? Why is it that the moment you are seen walking the halls with a member of the opposite gender, it is instantly assumed that you two have a “thing” for each other? This has happened to me, and I’m sure to many of you, on a number of occassions. Just as an example, the other day I was talking with a guy friend of mine and I happened to mention a mutual friend of ours who also happens to be a male. He instantly began pestering me, saying, “What’s going on with you two? Is there something there, or what?” No, not really. He’s just a friend… I mean, he’s a friend. Or another day: a friend and I were walking the halls when a TEACHER, yes, a TEACHER said, “What a cute couple!” We are NOT a couple. Neither of us wants to be a couple. We are thoroughly content being “just friends” (pardon my use of the expression). We talk with each other about absolutely everything, including the objects of our esteemed affections. We are most definitely “just friends.” Nothing has ever happened in between us and nothing (God willing!) ever will. Yes, it is possible for boys and girls to be “just friends.”

NO-

Let’s start with the question, how many “just friends” relationships have actually suceeded? Not many. Another anecdote: I have a friend, who I have only ever thought of as a friend, tell me the other day that we would make the perfect power couple. A movie couple. This was certainly not a “just friends” thing to say. And this was not the first time something like this has happened to me. Now, it can be argued with factual backing that I am just an addictive person to whom boys are naturally drawn (haha) but I am prone to believe that it is very hard to be “just friends” with a boy. My good guy friend, who now calls me his bro with b***s (crass, yes, true, also yes) and, as we have already been “more than friends” has no romantic feelings for me, recently told me that it is very challenging for boys to be “just friends” with a girl. It is a very rare situation, so he tells me. This explains the now awkward relationship between myself and my wants-to-be-a-couple friend, mentioned above. No, it is impossible to be “just friends” with a guy.

CONCLUSION

I have none. No really, I don’t. This is because there is no stereotype, no blanket statement that fits this type of situation. Each situation is individual. For instance, it is quite possible for me to be best friends with the first friend mentioned as well as with my ex-ish thing (I’m really not sure how to refer to him…) but clearly impossible with my other friend (and quite a few other “friends”…) By way of advice, I would say follow your gut. If the situation is smooth, you and your guy friend are clearly doing A- OK as friends. If things seem to be a little “hey-hey” between you two, friendship is obviously not working for one or the both of you. I have no concensus on this issue. It is up to you and the boy in question. Just don’t screw up a perfectly good friendship because you overthink the relationship and build it into something it is not. Don’t let this post scare you into thinking that the relationship you have with your guy friend is more than a friendship simply because you are of opposite genders. Remember, there is the “Yes” side to this debate 😉

-Vivaz

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